I was scrolling through TikTok the other night, and all of a sudden, I came across a familiar face: my colleague.
I’ve worked with her for a year and never realised she has hundreds of thousands of followers on the app. She does confessional-style videos where she talks about her life while doing her makeup. I got sucked down a bit of a black hole watching until I came across one where she talks about someone she really doesn’t like – and I don’t want to give details but it sounds exactly like me.
She called me an “energy drain”, a “negative Nancy” and a “pick-me”. It had hundreds of comments from strangers agreeing and absolutely slating me. I am mortified.
Nowhere on her profile does she say where she works and she never specifies it’s about a real person but surely there’s something I can do? This is defamation! I feel like complaining to my manager or saying something to her – what should I do?
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Katie Elliott is an experienced HR consultant and the founder of HR Katie Ltd, where she supports small business owners. With more than 15 years in HR, she offers clear, practical advice to help leaders navigate team challenges, manage performance, and lead with confidence.
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First of all, I want to say that I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. It’s never a nice feeling knowing that you’ve been perceived or judged in a way that you think is inaccurate, let alone in a very public forum – even if you haven’t been named. A pile-on, especially from strangers, can be humiliating and degrading, and it can leave us feeling very vulnerable and exposed, especially where we are unable to defend ourselves.
I can relate. I actually went semi-viral on TikTok once back in 2023 when I did a stitch video with someone talking about being unfairly dismissed by her employer. It is extremely jarring when people jump on the bandwagon of telling you you’re wrong, or stupid, or you don’t know what you’re talking about. So I completely get it.
As humans, we have a negativity bias. There could be hundreds of supportive comments, but if there’s one negative, well, we’re going to remember that one forever.
Social media-related workplace problems are rising
For all of its brilliance and innovation, due to its rapid growth, so much of social media and our use of it is uncharted territory. There tends to be rampant misinformation and minimal regulation, especially when it comes to workplace boundaries and knowing what is acceptable or not.
Sadly, situations like these are on the rise and you are absolutely not alone. Last year, a poll by the Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service found that there had been a 44 per cent rise in workplace conflict, with social media-related activity, including disparaging comments and disputes, being a huge factor driving this spike.
Employee handbooks are outdated
Unfortunately, so many company social media guidebooks only extend to protecting the company from reputation damage and data confidentiality rather than their employees. Even then, written warnings encouraging workers to maintain “professional conduct” are murky territory. I mean, what even constitutes “professional conduct”, especially if our social media platforms are intended to be personal, private and not work-related? At what point does the line get crossed?
Most company social media policies were written in the days when people used to criticise their employer on a private Facebook status. But it’s different now on platforms such as TikTok, where you’ve got this live captive audience, and people grow huge loyal followings.
I wouldn’t be surprised in the years to come because of the rise of these kinds of issues that companies really do knuckle down on their employees, particularly those with huge followings, and put more stipulations in place of what or what isn’t allowed.
It’s hard to prove intent
The difficulty we’ve got here is that you don’t 100 per cent actually know this video is about you because you haven’t been named or identified.
Unfortunately, descriptors such as “energy drain” and “negative Nancy” are opinions rather than statements of fact. And as much as we don’t like to hear it, people are entitled to their opinions. This kind of thing is notoriously difficult to build a legal case around. It’s going to be really difficult to prove intent or raise any kind of formal claim.
Go to HR and request updated social media conduct guidelines
Check your employee handbook. Your company should have a social media policy in place, so it’s worth knowing what it says before you do anything. If you’re genuinely concerned, you could raise it with HR, but go in carefully. If colleagues have expressed that they find you difficult to work with, flagging it upward could backfire. The last thing you want is to make yourself the story, especially if the original video turned out to be about someone else in the first place.
A softer approach is to request a review of the social media clause in your handbook. You don’t need to make it personal. You can simply say you’ve noticed some employees have significant public followings and ask whether the current policy covers that adequately. Something like: “Are we confident our social media guidelines are fit for purpose?” That keeps it professional, removes you from the centre of it, and prompts the right conversation without pointing fingers.
Avoid speaking to your manager
I’d avoid venting to other people. It can quickly turn into rumour, and without solid evidence or context, you risk becoming the subject of a complaint yourself.
I’d also steer clear of going to your manager formally at this stage. There isn’t really enough to go on. If you walk in saying someone is trying to undermine you, that’s hard to walk back. You are potentially escalating something without really having that much information. I’d be cautious.
Time for self-reflection
Just on a side note, let’s look at the bigger picture. In the nicest possible way, I want to ask, is everything okay? If someone were to say to your face that you’re an energy drain – could you contest it? Do you pick faults with colleagues or bring a negative energy into the workplace?
What’s going on outside of work? Do you have community? Friends? Hobbies? Is there anything you could do to help keep yourself busier and less distracted by social media?
In life, we will come up against challenging situations, and where I can, I like to turn negatives into positives. Could this be a moment of self-reflection – or free feedback? Perhaps where you can interrogate how you come across to the world?