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My younger wife keeps asking for sex

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My wife keeps demanding sex from me and I feel like I have to perform.

She’ll sometimes dress up or spend the evening flirting before making a suggestion that we have an “early night”. I don’t know why I find her advances a turn-off: I feel a lot of pressure, and sex under pressure isn’t fun or a celebration of how close we are.

A few times I’ve told her I’m too tired and then she turns on me, saying that she doesn’t feel close to me, or fearing that I don’t fancy her and asking for reassurance. I noticed this changed after she became peri-menopausal (I’m 51, she’s 48).

I feel so out of sync with the rest of the world: most of my friends complain about their partners’ lack of interest in sex. Once I tried to broach my problem with a friend and they told me my wife’s behaviour was a dream and that they wished their partner would do the same.

Should I be able to perform to order, or is this too much to ask? I love her and miss the true intimacy and fun that we used to have before the pressure ramped up to perform.

Mike R, Manchester

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If I distill your note down, it seems that on one level you’re asking: is pressurising someone into having sex OK? Let’s pause with that. If a female friend was feeling pressured to have sex by a male partner, would you consider this OK? I suspect you’d have no hesitation in understanding that it’s very unhealthy in a relationship, and isn’t going to lead to the relaxed intimacy that is a prerequisite for great sex.

So, of course, demanding you to perform is too much to ask, and I’m not surprised that you miss the genuine closeness that comes from two people wanting to connect.

The fact that you’re questioning yourself over this reveals the double standards in society with which we all live – and the myth that men’s sex drives are insatiable so meeting a woman with a high sex drive is, as your friend says, “the dream”. In reality, our sex drives are as individual as we all are.

Many men experience a dropping sex drive as they head into mid-life; meanwhile, some women experience an increased sex drive through perimenopause as their hormones rise and fall unpredictably.

Underneath this black-and-white question of whether pressurised sex is healthy is a far more interesting one: why is your wife pressurising you into sex when this hasn’t happened historically in your relationship? Have you asked her? Has her sex drive increased? Is she feeling more insecure than she used to? How does she feel about ageing? Sometimes the most confident women with the most secure of relationships start to question whether their partner will accept them as they age.

This, again, is more of a societal problem than an individual one: if society as a whole didn’t place so much importance on youth and treat maturity as invisibility, we’d probably all feel more confident in becoming “elders” in society.

I think it’s important for you to consider your own reactions to your wife suggesting sex, too. If you look back at the heyday of your sex life, was it you who tended to instigate? Is there a possibility that she is trying to show you how much she wants you and be more assertive and you interpret this as pressure? Do you prefer to be the one who is in control? Have you noticed changes in your sex drive? How do you feel about your body at 51?

I recommend that you have an open chat with your wife, at a relaxed time, about sex. If you do this during a walk, or out at a cafe, rather than in the bedroom, it will hopefully remove some of the pressure that you might feel surrounding the subject. I’d suggest taking the time to first reassure her how much you love her and are attracted to her, before exploring together what a “good sex life” would look like to you both. The more honest you are about any vulnerabilities, the easier it will be for her to respond in kind.

I wonder if, at the root of this, you are in fact both missing the intimacy that you previously shared? I suggest explaining to your wife that her way of trying to achieve it is actually distancing the two of you, and how her advances might be well intended but that you feel under pressure. She might have no idea that this is how you feel and simply feel a sense of rejection.

I recommend giving her suggestions of alternatives that don’t feel pressurised for you. If you’d like more hugs or hand holding, kissing rather than full-blown sex, spending time together chatting or walking, then be honest about it. The more open you both are, the more this pressure you feel to perform will dissipate leaving room for genuine connection and more fun.

I retired at 52 but my brain stopped working

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Steven Neerkin, 56, from London, left the world of work in his early fifties – content with a long retirement ahead of him. But after a few years, he realised it might be time for a new employment challenge. He tells Charlotte Lytton about coming out of retirement to teach. Interview by Charlotte Lytton

By the time I retired, four years ago, at the age of 52, I’d already had two careers: first as a derivatives broker for 25 years, then working for my family’s property business for seven years, with a period spent in academia, getting my MBA, in between. I was never one of these people who wanted to work until they were 70.

When I retired, I had no intention of ever going back to an office again. I considered myself blessed that financially I was able to walk away, so I happily spent three years playing golf and padel, and basically just enjoying myself. I absolutely loved every minute of it, and had plenty of friends in a similar position with whom to spend my newfound freedom.

That was it, I thought: my working life was over. Until my wife – who clearly felt I was enjoying my retirement too much – suggested I go into teaching. She is a teacher, like my daughter and late mother, so I’d always considered it, I’d just never had the time to see it through. I was only going to go back to work to do something that I just thought would be challenging, that I’d be good at, and that I could be proud of. Teaching ticked all three boxes.

Much as I loved retirement, I did notice that my brain had somewhat stopped working. I made a point of trying to read as much as possible, and doing silly things like Sudoku puzzles just to keep my brain active, but it wasn’t the same as being challenged each day.

So I got in touch with a few organisations with the idea of teaching business and economics to secondary school students, and ended up at NowTeach, which supports people changing careers to go into teaching. For the past 10 months, I’ve taught four days a week and trained for one. I will qualify in the summer.

People ask if teaching is stressful, particularly after having retired. But given that I’ve worked in two of the most stressful industries possible – the City, and owning my own business, where you’re responsible for everything and everybody – do I find teaching stressful? I really don’t.

One of the biggest things I’ve learnt over the past 10 months is how much children have changed since even my own (now aged 26 and 27) were at school. They don’t seem to have the same inbuilt respect for adults anymore. Before, it was a given that when it came to your teachers, there were boundaries you simply did not cross. Now, they don’t even seem to have the same inbuilt respect for their own parents, which I do find somewhat surprising.

What has really upset me is there are times when parents seem almost afraid of their children. Some of them seem to think that it’s their job to be friends with their children – and I just don’t agree. I believe our job is to love them at all costs, but you’re not there to be their friend. I’ve had meetings with parents who have said: “Have you got any advice as to how we can get our son out of bed?” And I have to explain that my job is to teach him once he gets to school: it’s their job to get him out of bed. It really has been a shift in attitudes that I wasn’t expecting.

Something else I’ve learnt during this process is that there is always room for improvement (and that sometimes, I’m not as good as I think I am). Teaching is hard; teaching is tiring. There is an awful lot of prep work required and you are never really switched off. Maybe I came in naively thinking it was going to be a walk in the park, and it’s nothing close to that.

My age means I have a lot of experience of the subject matter – but just because you know the stuff doesn’t mean you can teach the stuff. I’m still learning, and I’m by far from being the finished article. But I’m incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful support system behind me; my colleagues and bosses have been phenomenal.

I’m not at the point where I’m teaching on autopilot: I’m listening to what my experienced colleagues are telling me, and adapting. And that’s surprised me too, because sometimes, I can be a bit pig-headed and arrogant, thinking I know better. But one thing I have noted watching some of my peers is that I want to teach the way they do. They make it look effortless, and I’d love to be like that: to be able to teach with that much impact, and make it look easy.

Despite the challenges, is teaching highly rewarding? Oh my God, yes. Do I look forward to going to work every day? Absolutely. And even on the bad days, I think: I’ve had worse. There’s no comparison between the sense of achievement I feel through teaching, compared to my previous careers. Especially with regards to the City, it’s a job you do for the lifestyle it gives you; you sell your soul to the devil, he takes his pound of flesh and in return, you get a very nice life. Honoured as I was to work for my previous company, there was no real meaning to it. I certainly never thought I was changing the world.

Now, I’ve got the ability to change the world, one student at a time. We’ve all got a memory of that one teacher at school who made an impact on us. Wouldn’t it be great if I was able to have that impact on a student, even if it’s just one? It would mean I’ve made a difference. And I hope to do that for as long as I can.

Starmer’s election nightmare is now real

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Early results have signalled a bruising set of local elections for Sir Keir Starmer’s Labour Party, with Reform UK reaping much of the reward across England.

As of 6am, Labour had lost almost 200 seats and control of seven councils in a damning indictment of the unpopularity of Starmer and his Government.

The Conservatives have, meanwhile, lost more than 100 seats – despite forcing Wandsworth from Labour-controlled to no overall control in a tight vote.

Shorts – Quick stories

The main benefactor so far has been Reform, which has gained almost 300 councillors – a third of all seats declared – in seats across the Midlands and North of England.

While the Liberal Democrats and Greens have made gains, the success of both parties will be clearer later on Friday when more seats in London are announced.

Reform sweeping up and Greens squeezing Labour’s vote

Councils who declared results overnight into Friday are in areas where Reform were always expected to do well and the early picture is certainly favourable for Nigel Farage’s party.

Reform has made significant gains across the country – in places like Dudley, in the Midlands, and Basildon in Essex – but both councils demonstrate the vote share is still being split by the main parties and Reform has not done enough to win control.

While early results indicate gains for Reform, what is not necessarily obvious from the headline wins is the fact that Labour’s vote share is also being eaten away at by the Green Party.

The Greens and Lib Dems may have not made as many gains as they had hoped at this stage, support for both parties has been at the expense of Labour and left the party unable to defend seats in many areas.

Labour jitters as the party suffers losses 

Critics of Starmer have already been out on the airwaves saying the Labour Party has to consider a change of leader if the results continue to be this bad.

The Labour Party has suffered losses in councils all over the country – ranging from Hartlepool in the North East to Wandsworth in south London – indicating it is losing votes from across the spectrum, with Starmer’s unpopularity a significant challenge.

And if that isn’t bad enough for Starmer, there are difficult results yet to come when the Scottish and Welsh parliaments are declared as well as more results across London, where Labour is expected to get a battering.

The SNP is expected to win in Scotland and Labour is on track to lose Wales – with Plaid Cymru and Reform the main winners.

Labour looking for signs of hope – but it will probably get worse

Labour sources are pointing to the party holding Lincoln, where Reform was expected to make further gains, Reading, which remained Labour despite losses for the party due to only some of the seats being up for grabs, and Oxford, where the anti-Labour vote seems to have been split by Greens and the Lib Dems.

And they are insisting that it would be a mistake to interpret these results – whatever happens – as being a sign of what could be to come in the next general election.

Polling guru Sir John Curtice told the BBC that, if Labour continues to lose council seats at the rate it has overnight, the overall loss could be around 1200 seats.

While bad, this result would not be as catastrophic as some in Labour had feared.

But that does not take into account the fact that there are still significant seats to come in London, where Labour is threatened by the Greens, and symbolic results in Wales.

Labour is expected to lose control of the Welsh parliament, the Senedd, for the first time since the late nineties.

Despite Reform’s early success, Curtice said. it’s not quite hitting its target of 30 per cent of the vote, and he said the Greens were struggling to convert votes into seats so far.

I investigated Madeleine McCann’s abduction – I fear there’ll never be a trial

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When German prosecutors announced in 2020 that a convicted rapist and child sex offender had become the main suspect for abducting Madeleine McCann, it appeared the mystery might have finally been solved.

Christian Brueckner was in and around the Praia da Luz area of Portugal when the British toddler went missing from her family’s holiday apartment in 2007. The German man was suspected of breaking into similar properties and was linked to other child disappearances. To top it all, he allegedly later told a friend he “knew all about” what happened to her.

Hopes rose this week that Brueckner – who denies any involvement in the case – could be extradited to the UK, after a Metropolitan Police source reportedly said it would “seek” to try the “prime suspect” in an English court.

Shorts – Quick stories

Yet a former senior UK detective, who assisted the original Portuguese investigation, worries that the obstacles to ever prosecuting Brueckner remain huge.

Dr Graham Hill was head of behavioural analysis at the UK’s Child Exploitation and Online Protection command in 2007 when he was sent to the Algarve to assist Portuguese police trying to find three-year-old Madeleine. He is one of few criminologists in the world specialising in men who abduct and then abuse children.

Hill agrees there is strong circumstantial evidence against Brueckner, as he fits a “very rare” profile. The paedeophile was named as an arguido – official suspect – by Portuguese authorities in 2022.

“He has a deviant sexual interest in children,” Hill tells The i Paper. “He’s got a very skewed or almost non-existent moral code, which will allow him to act in ways that other people wouldn’t. He’s a nighttime burglar who breaks into houses when people are in the properties – a risk-taker.

“On top of that, he was living in a small coastal town less than a four-minute drive from where Madeleine went missing. If that doesn’t make him a very good suspect, I don’t know what does.”

Christian Brueckner is the main suspect in the McCann case but denies any involvement (Photo: Alexander Koerner/Getty)
Christian Brueckner is the main suspect in the McCann case but denies any involvement. Above, Brueckner arriving at court in Braunschweig, Germany in 2024 during a separate trial on sex crime charges, which he was acquitted of (Photo: Alexander Koerner/Getty)

This week a police source told The Daily Telegraph: “If the evidence is strong enough to extradite the prime suspect and try him here, that is what we would seek to do… Clearly, there are numerous hurdles but our priority at the moment is to amass the strongest evidence we can against that prime suspect.”

Some have pointed out that Brexit could prevent the British authorities from putting Brueckner on trial here, because Germany does not allow extraditions to non-EU states. But Hill worries there is a more fundamental problem before that becomes a concern.

Madeleine has never been found, there do not appear to be any firm witnesses, and it is unlikely there is any conclusive forensic evidence. “We’ve had the Portuguese investigation, the German one and a UK police review for a number of years. None of them seem to have come up with any concrete evidence,” he warns.

To lodge a request to extradite a crime suspect, the UK must be ready to charge that person immediately if they enter the country. “You can strongly suspect someone’s committed a crime, but if you haven’t got the evidence, you can’t prove it,” says Hill, a visiting professor at Birmingham City University.

“If the Germans haven’t got enough evidence and the Portuguese haven’t either, how are the British going to have it? It seems a bit far-fetched to me… If they had a smoking gun, they would have used it by now.”

Kate and Gerry McCann made public appeals to help find their daughter when she went missing in 2007 (Photo: Bloomberg/PA via Getty Images)
Kate and Gerry McCann made public appeals to help find their daughter when she went missing in 2007 (Photo: Bloomberg/PA via Getty)

Why efforts to prosecute Brueckner have been frustrated

Brueckner was identified after a former associate, Helge Busching, told police that the pair had discussed the McCann case at a festival in 2008. Brueckner allegedly remarked that “she was not screaming” when she was kidnapped.

Police only paid attention to Busching’s report about this in 2017. According to reports, Brueckner was convicted of child sex crimes in 1994 when he was a teenager and again in 2016.

Revealing his identity in 2020, German prosecutors said they had found information about his two cars “suggesting that he may have used one of these vehicles to commit the offence”. He had re-registered one of them in the name of another person the day after McCann vanished.

Sadly, the authorities also concluded Madeleine was likely to be dead. British police continue to treat her disappearance as a missing persons case.

Lead investigator Hans Christian Wolters could not have been firmer in his statements about Brueckner, saying in 2020: “If you knew the evidence we had you would come to the same conclusion as I do.” In 2025, Wolters reiterated his belief that it was the “fundamentally dangerous” sex offender who “killed Madeleine McCann”.

German prosecutor Hans Christian Wolters is very confident that Christian Brueckner is "the man who took and killed her” (Photo: AXEL BRUNOTTE/AFP via Getty)
German prosecutor Hans Christian Wolters is very confident that Brueckner is ‘the man who took and killed her’ (Photo: Axel Brunotte/AFP)

When German authorities chose to name Brueckner, it may have looked to the public like a prosecution would soon follow. Instead, Hill suggests it may have indicated they had “run out of ideas”.

“They made a calculated decision to go public… They were hoping to get new information,” he says. “That’s something you do when you’re really boxed into a corner… That was their last roll of the dice.”

The British criminologist, who spoke with Wolters for an ITV documentary last year, thinks prosecutors became “overconfident” they could link the suspect to Madeleine – especially when another man testified in a separate trial in 2024 that Brueckner had admitted he “found a kid and took the child” in Portugal.

But Brueckner was later acquitted in that court case on three charges of aggravated rape and two of sexually abusing children, all in Portugal between 2000 and 2017 but not related to Madeleine.

The Metropolitan Police established Operation Grange to review evidence about her disappearance in 2011. Hill, who was contacted by the team last year, believes its numbers have dwindled from seven or eight staff originally to two detectives working on the case part-time.

Brueckner refused to be interviewed by the Met before his release from a Hanover prison last year, having served seven years for raping a 72-year-old woman in Praia da Luz in 2005. He continues to deny having anything to do with Madeleine. “I want them to stop this witch-hunt against me and give me back my life,” he told Sky News last year.

In a letter published by The Sun, he wrote: “Was I or my vehicle clearly seen near the crime scene on the night of the crime? Is there DNA evidence of me at the crime scene? Are there DNA traces of the injured party in my vehicle? Are there other traces/DNA carriers of the injured party in my possession? Photos? And, not to forget, is there a body/corpse? All no, no no.”

Hills expects that Brueckner’s legal team would argue he could not be given a fair trial after being “convicted in the court of public opinion”, but he is confident a judge would be able to direct a jury strictly enough to allow a prosecution to go ahead.

A German police officer uses a sniffer dog while conducting searches for McCann in Hanover in 2020 (Photo: Alexander Koerner/Getty)
A German police officer uses a sniffer dog while conducting searches for Madeleine in Hanover in 2020 (Photo: Alexander Koerner/Getty)

How the original Portuguese investigation failed

All these years on, Hill is frustrated that failings in the first few weeks of the investigation into Madeleine’s abduction have prevented anyone ever appearing in court.

He was sent to Portugal several days after her disappearance to advise local detectives on the typical behaviour of child abductors and how to identify suspects. “The quality of the investigation done by the Portuguese police, let’s be honest, it was poor,” he says.

“When you haven’t got a suspect for a crime, particularly a child abduction, you do what’s called ‘suspect generation’. You trawl all your systems looking for sex offenders, convicted nighttime burglars, people convicted of sex crimes against children. You make lists, you prioritise them and you cross-check them, and you generate suspects who you then eliminate as you go through your investigation.

“If the Portuguese police had done their job correctly, they would have found Brueckner on at least two or three of those lists.”

Instead, Hill recalls how Portuguese detectives developed “tunnel vision” over a British man named Robert Murat, who later secured libel damages from Sky and newspapers that had implicated him.

Police later named the toddler’s parents, Kate and Gerry McCann – doctors who left Madeleine and their two other children in their apartment while they ate at a nearby tapas restaurant – as suspects. Hill said the family should have been eliminated as suspects in the first couple of days by interviewing them with a lie detector, a standard practice for the FBI.

Murat and the McCanns were cleared formally months later, but vital time had been lost.

The holiday apartment hotel building where Madeleine McCann disappeared in Praia da Luz, southern Portugal (Photo: VASCO CELIO/AFP via Getty)
The holiday apartment building where Madeleine McCann disappeared in Praia da Luz, southern Portugal (Photo: Vasco Celio/AFP)

“It went from bad to worse,” says Hill. “All along the way, they got taken down blind alleys, to the detriment of the investigation, which allowed Brueckner to slip through the net.”

He adds: “With child abduction, when you start badly, you almost never recover. It’s unlikely now that Madeline’s body will be found. Forensic opportunities no longer exist.”

A Met spokesperson has said that “a dedicated team continues to examine the events” and “remains in close working discussion with policing colleagues in Germany and Portugal”, as well as “supporting and updating Madeleine’s family”.

If there is one piece of evidence Hill thinks could have solved the case with more focus and more luck, it was a sighting that night of a man carrying a child wearing pyjamas.

“That person has never been traced,” he says. “I think that person is the person that abducted Madeleine McCann. They should have focused on that sighting.”

@robhastings.bsky.social

Man Utd’s £100m cash injection – and the 13 players on their radar

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Improvements were made under Ruben Amorim, despite what the naysayers may tell you.

But Manchester United sealing Champions League qualification with three games to spare was not in the vernacular around Old Trafford just a few short months ago.

Michael Carrick has achieved remarkable things in a short time, justifying the bold decision to relieve Amorim of his duties in January. Now, the real restoration project can begin.

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This summer has long been targeted as the one when key deficiencies in the team will be addressed.

United’s previously flawed, scattergun transfer policy has become a thing of the past, with Ineos enjoying more success in less than two years than anyone managed in the previous decade combined.

The wheels are already in motion to capitalise on this sleeping giant’s return to the global stage, on and off the pitch.

How much is the Champions League return actually worth?

United have secured their place in the Champions League next season (Photo: Getty)

“£80m, but that is only the base amount,” is how one senior insider describes the funds heading United’s way. They would achieve this in income from Uefa alone, should they reach the last eight of next year’s competition – a fair target, given the diluted quality of the competition in the early knockout rounds.

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Additional matchday revenue from a minimum of four group games will see them bring in upwards of £30m. That does not include supporters from across the continent attending matches and spending mega-money in the megastore. The pound signs are lighting up in the club’s boardroom, given United are set to end up in pot two or three in the Champions League draw, guaranteeing them two games against elite, non-English opponents: Paris Saint-Germain, Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, Barcelona or Inter Milan.

Brand United is back, with new sponsors expected to line up. A season of only domestic responsibilities meant United were unable to secure a training kit sponsor for this season, but it is understood there is already one agreed for next term, with betting company Betway ready to pledge around £18m per year.

They aren’t done yet. The i Paper has been told that a new shirt sleeve sponsor will be sought next, and that is likely to be in place for the start of the new campaign.

A decent showing back at Europe’s top table could more optimistically see Champions League revenue surpass the £150m mark.

Spend, spend, spend on transfers?

Nottingham Forest’s Elliot Anderson could be on his way to Old Trafford (Photo: Getty)

No, not quite. Just because the money is there doesn’t mean Ineos plans to undo its previously well-constructed transfer business.

“We said this from the start,” a source close to the United hierarchy tells The i Paper. “We wanted the right people in place on the data and recruitment side in order to achieve more success in the transfer market.

“We feel we have had five or six hits early on. Let’s not undo all that good work by spending £120m on Elliot Anderson.”

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The i Paper has been reporting for several months that there could be up to three midfielders coming in this summer. One, big-money marquee signing will be sought, one other top-level midfielder for slightly less and then a younger, cheaper option.

Anderson has long been seen as that marquee name. Yet, the current valuation of £120m is viewed as out of reach. Manchester City are a more likely destination, but senior sources are adamant there will be no panic if the Nottingham Forest star does not join. “We want players who, without needing financial persuasion, want to play for Manchester United.”

Newcastle United’s Sandro Tonali is someone several sources have distanced themselves from, again over the fee. Brighton’s Carlos Baleba remains a top pick, as does Real Madrid’s Aurelien Tchouameni and Crystal Palace’s Adam Wharton. As it stands, Baleba is seen as the target who represents the best value for money.

West Ham’s Mateus Fernandes is another key target. Premier League experience is a real plus point for the United recruitment team, given the success of Matheus Cunha and Bryan Mbeumo this season. Atalanta’s Ederson also falls into that more affordable bracket. Wolves’ Mateus Mane is a younger option.

Left-back, left wing and centre-back are other areas the club are looking at strengthening. Arsenal’s Myles Lewis-Skelly and Newcastle United left-back Lewis Hall are two other Premier League targets, while Sporting Lisbon left-back Maxi Araujo has been mentioned. Forest’s Murillo is a centre-back the club admire, while, further forward, Ajax’s Mika Godts and RB Leipzig’s Yan Diomande are being considered. Aston Villa forward Morgan Rogers may be priced out of a move.

Player sales of Rasmus Hojlund, Marcus Rashford, Manuel Ugarte and Joshua Zirkzee could further boost the transfer coffers. Either way, eclipsing last year’s summer spend of £240m is a “near certainty,” a senior source insists.

Does Carrick now get the job?

Interim boss Michael Carrick has built a strong case for a permanent position (Photo: Getty)

Carrick is the frontrunner to get the job, with a well-placed source adding that he would be “astounded” if the interim boss were not to get the job permanently.

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Senior figures have been keen to stress, however, that they wanted to get to a “position of strength”, i.e. back in the Champions League, before formalising any pursuits of potential next managers.

Most senior figures are sold on Carrick, given no other Premier League team has achieved as many points as United since the 44-year-old took over. Co-owner Sir Jim Ratcliffe is not completely convinced Carrick has the personality to lead from the front.

A Champions League return opens up a wealth of options. Luis Enrique is a dream target, but a new contract at PSG is in the offing. Andoni Iraola is another top pick, though doubts persist over whether he will be in over his head at United, just as Amorim was.

Germany coach Julian Nagelsmann is a name who keeps getting mentioned, but the World Cup could be a sticking point – United ideally want someone in before the end of the tournament.

The i Paper has been told that with Champions League football secured, the process will now ramp up. As it stands, no options have been approached as yet.

I compared my Tesco-branded shop with four supermarkets

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In our series, Supermarket Swap, we challenge a family to change where and how they do their weekly grocery shop. Can they save money by trading old habits for new – and will they decide to switch to another supermarket as a result? If you want to take part, email money@inews.co.uk.

This week, our Supermarket Swap columnist, MaryLou Costa, 42, from Essex, takes to the aisles herself to investigate whether the branded items she and her family love are a bargain or a rip-off in their beloved Tesco, compared with other stores. Will their findings force them to rethink their loyalty?

Ever since ultra-processed foods (UPF) came to dominate news headlines, my husband and I have been torn between price over purity.

We previously bought mainly supermarket own-brand items in a bid to keep costs down while satisfying the tummies and taste buds of our two little boys. With a mortgage, two kids, and yearly trips to Australia to visit my parents to factor in, every little helps, as they say.

But when UPFs became the food equivalent of smoking, we started to take stock of what we were buying, and consequently putting into our bodies. We started examining the ingredients of our store cupboard staples and quickly realised that what we were saving in price, we were paying for by being ultra-processed.

So we started making swaps. For example, we dropped own brand wraps for Crosta and Mollica’s premium version, in turn cutting out ingredients like emulsifiers, preservatives and stabilisers, for a product containing only wheat, water, extra virgin olive oil and salt. Already we were up on price and down on volume – £1.40 for eight Tesco own-brand wraps versus £2 for six of Crosta and Mollica’s.

We’ve repeated the process across items like yoghurt, bread, ketchup, baked beans, chocolate, soy sauce, noodles, and even wine, swapping more processed own-brand items for higher-quality branded items – watching our bill rise as we went along. While we haven’t done any formal analysis on whether we are healthier as a result, we haven’t regretted the swaps, as all four of us feel healthy and happy, and are rarely ill.

We estimate we now spend around £20 a week more, thanks to our little lifestyle change and we try to rationalise that against the other areas of our life where we live in a fairly lean way.

We cancelled our Netflix account over a year ago as we were spending more time choosing a show to watch than actually watching one. We work from home, saving money on commuting, food, and even clothes and makeup. I buy most of my clothes from Vinted, selling my old ones there too. We sold most of our baby items on Facebook Marketplace, giving our old cot, high chair, baby car seat and baby carrier new lives with new families.

We also do most of our grocery shopping online with Tesco, feeling the benefits of the now ubiquitous Clubcard discounts that often reach double digits. But are the savings real compared with the cost of branded items in other supermarkets that we may be blind to, thanks to our loyalty? Could we be getting a better deal elsewhere?

Consumer comparison site Which? has been on the case, analysing the prices of 241 popular branded items with household names like Heinz and Nescafé. They found prices varied hugely across Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Morrison’s, Asda and Waitrose. They didn’t include Aldi and Lidl as they don’t stock enough branded items.

The biggest discrepancy they found at the time of their analysis in March was a £1.25 price difference between a four-pack of Tilda boil-in-the-bag basmati rice at Tesco and Waitrose – or 115 per cent.

They also found 500ml Filippo Berio classic olive oil came in at a £3.51 difference between Asda and Waitrose – £4.98 versus £8.51, or 71 per cent. Yet Twinings Every Day tea bags were cheapest in Waitrose – £3.21 compared to £5.61 in Morrisons, or 75 per cent. As for our beloved Tesco, Which? found that Asda was cheapest overall for branded items – even with a Clubcard discount.

So are we being had? Well, Filippo Berio’s boss told the media last month that UK supermarkets were “taking the mickey” when it came to olive oil pricing. Which? retail editor Reena Sewraz also concluded that the current market is “a bit of a lottery” and that you could easily end up paying double for the same branded product depending on where you shop.

Curious to know if our loyalty is misplaced, I hit the shops local to me in Essex – Waitrose, Lidl, Morrisons, and Tesco – to see which brands were a bargain and which were a rip-off.

Our list to compare covered our favourite items – Tilda rice, Lurpak butter, Filippo Berio olive oil, Kellogg’s corn flakes, John West tuna, Nescafé coffee, Jason’s sourdough bread, Heinz beans, Heinz soup, Skyr yoghurt and premium pasta (I am part Italian – buying Italian brands of pasta is non-negotiable).

I’d love to say that Tesco didn’t disappoint, but I’d be lying. It came up trumps with Cathedral City Mature Cheese – 28 per cent cheaper than the most expensive, Waitrose and with Kellogg’s corn flakes – also 28 per cent cheaper than Lidl, surprisingly. But it had the highest prices for olive oil, butter, and tuna – things we go through very quickly in our house. At £45.14 for the whole basket, it also came out the most expensive of all the supermarkets visited.

At £41.04, Lidl came out the cheapest, but as Which? rightly observed, its inconsistency in branded items makes it difficult to compare. There was little difference between Morrisons and Waitrose: £42.08 versus £42.80.

Morrisons emerged victorious on most of our items, with Waitrose edging ahead on the Azera coffee, yoghurt, beans, olive oil (contrary to Which?’s analysis) and butter. While bargains are to be had on Lidl’s own-brand items – and who can resist the middle Lidl aisle – I wouldn’t say the same about brands.

So is our Tesco tenure going to be tested? We’ve been doing a weekly online delivery with them for over two years now. We’ve never done so with Morrisons, so we may well be tempted. We do like to pop to Waitrose occasionally for “nice bits”, and these surprise deals may entice us further.

But it does make you wonder – how can the same product cost the same in different stores? What magical algorithm decides? Shopping used to be straightforward – why can’t stores make it simple again?

The European country that could draw Nato into a conflict with Israel

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Turkey became the ninth country known to possess an intercontinental ballistic missile, with a surprise revelation at an arms show this week, raising alarm in Israel at a time of escalating tensions between the two regional powers.

The Nato country presented the Yildirimhan missile, which has a stated range of 6,000 kilometre (3,728 miles) and can carry a warhead of up to three tonnes, at an event in Istanbul. Defence experts see the weapon as another landmark step within a wider military build-up based on the rapid expansion of Turkey’s domestic defence industry.

Ankara’s military has also revealed new models of shorter-range rockets and missiles, such as the Tayfun, while its Baykar drones – made famous in Ukraine – are in global demand.

Shorts – Quick stories

Turkish security specialists suggest much of this urgent development is happening with Israel in mind, following a series of devastating wars in the region and veiled threats from Israeli officials.

Ali Burak Daricili, a veteran of the Turkish intelligence services and former advisor to prime ministers, and now a professor of international relations at Bursa Technical University, suggests the sudden revelation of the Yildirimhan is a “message to Israel” and a “strong deterrence” against potential Israeli aggression.

Ali Bakir, a specialist on the Turkish military and professor of international affairs at Qatar University, said the country had broader security concerns but “Israel has imposed itself on this agenda”.

Relations between the two regional powers have declined rapidly in recent years after a period of close partnerships ended in the 2000s. That partnership extended to intelligence sharing, arms sales and joint military exercises.

Tensions have erupted over Israel’s treatment of Palestinians. Turkey’s President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan has compared Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Adolf Hitler, while the Israeli leader has accused the Turkish autocrat of massacring ethnic Kurds.

ISTANBUL, TURKIYE - MAY 06: Turkish soldiers stand on duty as a delegation composed of high-level foreign officials attending SAHA 2026 visits the TCG Anadolu anchored off the coast of Atakoy in Istanbul, Turkiye on May 06, 2026. The delegation toured the vessel and received information about its capabilities and operations during the visit. (Photo by Murat Sengul/Anadolu via Getty Images)
New model Turkish drones on the TCG Anadolu warship (Photo: Murat Sengul/Anadolu/Getty)

Turkey has also fostered relations with Hamas while Israel has forged ties with Greece and Cyprus. Regional ambitions, meanwhile, have collided in Syria, where Israeli forces targeted sites Turkey had designated for military bases.

Prominent public figures in Israel, including Naftali Bennett, a strong contender to be the next prime minister, have described Turkey as the “new Iran” – Israel’s current major threat in the region.

Turkey’s foreign minister, Hakan Fidan, responded that Israel “cannot live without an enemy” and that it was “seeking to declare Turkey the new enemy”.

A senior Israeli official, who did not wish to be identified, stopped short of echoing Bennett’s statement, but said Turkey’s military build-up was a “huge concern” and claimed that the country was taking a “dangerous” turn due to the influence of radical Islamist elements. They compared this to the influence of the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps in Iran.

The Turkish military overhaul goes beyond missile and drones. A first aircraft carrier is said to be ahead of schedule and could be completed by next year, and the Turkish air force is assembling a fleet of home-made Kaan fighter jets to supplement purchases of foreign aircraft such as Typhoons from the UK.

Yaakov Amidror, an Israeli former military intelligence chief and now a military analyst at the Jewish Institute for National Security of America (Jinsa), said that Turkey’s moves are a concern for Israel.

“When we see what the Turks are doing, we don’t understand them,” he told The i Paper. “We don’t understand why they need long-range missiles, why they build such a huge navy…. It’s a very dangerous situation.”

Amidror said that recent defence assessments called for increased intelligence gathering on Turkey, and that its military build-up could compel Israel to take steps to preserve its “qualitative military edge” – a policy of maintaining superior technology to its regional rivals.

Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett attends a cabinet meeting at the Prime Minister's office in Jerusalem, on March 6, 2022. - Bennett stepped into the role of mediator yesterday as Russia's invasion of Ukraine intensified, holding a three-hour meeting at the Kremlin with Vladimir Putin before calling Ukraine's president and flying to Berlin (Photo by RONEN ZVULUN / POOL / AFP) (Photo by RONEN ZVULUN/POOL/AFP via Getty Images)
Naftali Bennett, a strong contender to be the next Israeli prime minister, has described Turkey as the ‘new Iran’ (Photo: Ronen Zvulun/AFP/Getty)

Israel has a “more sensitive” security doctrine after the 7 October, 2023, Hamas attacks, Amidror said, which requires action to pre-empt potential threats across the region, such as in Syria, where both Israel and Turkey have a military presence and competing agendas.

While Israel has sought to maintain a “buffer zone” around the occupied Golan Heights in southern Syria, and conducted regular interventions in surrounding areas, Turkey has called for the country’s territorial integrity to be respected under the new government, while also keeping soldiers in the north of Syria to combat Kurdish militants.

Amidror said the risk of a clash with Turkish forces would depend on their actions. He added: “I hope we would not be so stupid not to have (contingency) plans.”

At the same time, Turkey’s Nato membership is a notable deterrent to a clash, said Alper Coskun, a former Turkish diplomat now at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. But Coskun added that there was also a need for Turkish self-reliance at a time of upheaval and uncertainty.

“Turkey knows its overall deterrence and defense is boosted through Nato membership,” he said. But, “Ankara also knows that if and when push comes to shove, its safest bet is to also complement the benefits of alliance membership with strong indigenous capabilities and operational autonomy”.

According to Coskun, Erdogan’s government is combining defence development with political positioning, including maintaining friendly relations with US President Donald Trump, who has urged Netanyahu to “be reasonable” with Turkey.

War-damaged residential buildings loom as residents of Damascus' Jobar neighborhood protest, demanding investment to rebuild the area, in Damascus, Syria, Wednesday, Oct. 15, 2025. (AP Photo/Ghaith Alsayed)
Damaged homes in Damascus, Syria. Turkey and Israel have competing interests in the war-torn country. (Photo: Ghaith Alsayed/AP)

However, hawkish elements in Washington DC think the US could ultimately back an Israeli attack on Turkey, if tensions continue to escalate.

Michael Rubin, a former Pentagon official and Turkey analyst at the American Enterprise Institute, believes that US and Israeli intelligence agencies are already tracking Turkish leaders for potential decapitation strikes, as with Iran.

And the threshold for conflict could be crossed if Turkey’s military development is perceived as an intolerable threat to Israel, he said.

“Turkey’s build-up represents a growing threat,” Rubin told The i Paper. “If any state wants to counter that threat, they have an incentive to act with surprise. Given Erdogan’s rhetoric and his increasing hostility to Israel, at some point Israeli officials are going to conclude war is inevitable and the best possible outcome would be an attempt at decapitation.”

Nato membership is likely to be of limited value in that scenario, he added, suggesting that other members might be reluctant to come to Turkey’s aid on the basis of Nato’s Article Five mutual defence pact.

“Article Five is less a barrier to conflict than Turkey and its partisans may believe,” he said. “Article Five does not automatically kick in; Nato members have to agree to it. And because Nato is consensus-driven, whether Nato would invoke mutual defence is really an open question.”

Nine easy tests to find out if you are ageing well

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The trouble with getting older is that it sneaks up on you. One day everything feels as it always has; the next, you notice you are a little less steady, a little slower to recover, a touch less sharp than you once were. But if you start to pay attention to these small details, you can also start to do something about them.

Here, health experts share simple ways you can measure how well you are ageing, and how to improve each one…

The chair stand test

“The chair stand test measures lower body strength,” says Dr Angela Rai, a GP and longevity expert at The London General Practice. “This is a strong predictor of healthy ageing, as it evaluates functional performance and tells us about neuromuscular co-ordination, joint health, muscular strength and endurance, all of which are linked to longevity.”

The test only takes 30 seconds. “Sit on a standard chair with arms crossed over your chest and see how many times you can stand up completely from a fully seated position and sit back down again,” says Dr Rai. “Avoid using your hands and count how many times you can do this over 30 seconds.

“Adults over 60 years should be aiming to get at least 12 repetitions, but this will vary with sex and decrease with age. Younger adults should achieve around 20. Reduced scores suggest reduced functional strength.”

How to improve it: “Regular lower body exercises – including lunges, squats and step-ups – make a big difference, as does strength training,” says Dr Rai. “Consistent, small progress over time will equate to better mobility, strength and reduced injury risk.”

Energetic sportwoman has workout routine poses on one legs demonstrates her stamina warms up before jogging dressed in hoodie leggings and trainers trains outdoors. Sport and motivation concept
Can you do the singe-leg stand test? (Photo: Viorel Kurnosov/Getty/iStockphoto)

The single-leg stand test

This test measures balance, which is an important predicator of longevity. “Balance integrates multiple systems, including muscle strength, joint health, vision and the vestibular system, which helps control our stability,” says Dr Rai. “Evidence shows that the inability to balance on one leg for 10 seconds is linked to higher all-cause mortality, so this is a powerful health marker.

“To perform the test, stand barefoot on a flat surface, place your hands on your hips, and lift one foot off the ground, keeping your eyes open. Time how long you can hold the position without excessively swaying, hopping or putting your foot down. Those aged 18-49 should aim for 40 seconds plus, 60-69 years, 26-32 seconds, and 70-79 years, 14-18 seconds. A score of fewer than five seconds indicates a high risk of injury.”

How to improve it: “To enhance your balance, consistency is key,” says Dr Rai. “Simple balance exercises such as hovering one leg while you brush your teeth, as well as practises such as yoga and tai chi can be a big help.”

The memory recall test

“Memory is one of the earliest areas people worry about with ageing, but small changes are often linked to lifestyle rather than disease,” says Dr Nadia Ahmad, a GP and founder of The Weight Care Clinic. “Short-term recall reflects how well your brain is processing and storing information in real time.

“For this test, ask someone to read you five unrelated words (for example: apple, chair, river, blue, candle). Wait five minutes without writing them down, then try to recall them. In midlife, most people should be able to recall at least four to five words. In older adults, recalling three or more is generally considered reassuring, especially if cues help to bring the rest back.

“Consistently struggling to recall even one or two words, particularly if this is worsening, may suggest cognitive strain. However, that does not automatically mean dementia. More commonly, it is linked to poor sleep, chronic stress, low mood or even nutritional deficiencies. But if you are concerned – especially if there is a noticeable decline – it is worth a proper medical review.”

How to improve it “Improvement here is less about ‘brain training’ apps and more about protecting overall brain health,” says Dr Ahmad. “Prioritise sleep, as memory consolidation happens overnight. Regular exercise increases blood flow to the brain. Social interaction and learning new skills help to maintain cognitive flexibility. Diet also matters.”

Group of senior women friends in the public park
Walking is a vital indicator how well your body is or isn’t ageing (Photo: andreswd/Getty/)

The six-minute walk test

The six-minute walk test assesses cardiovascular health, endurance and functional capacity – in other words, how well your heart, lungs and muscles are all working.

“Walking capacity has been linked to longevity,” explains Dr Rai. “The test simply assesses how far you can walk in six minutes. Healthy adults should achieve 400-700m, depending on age and fitness levels. Slower walking speeds and shorter distances are associated with a higher risk of cardiovascular disease, disability and mortality. Therefore, how far you can walk in six minutes tells us how well your body is ageing.”

How to improve it: “Development here involves building aerobic fitness through regular brisk walking, aiming for 150 minutes per week, and gradually increasing pace, duration and incline. Strength training, cycling and swimming also help,” says Dr Rai.

The social health test

Social health is one of the most underestimated predictors of how well we age. “Strong relationships are consistently linked to lower rates of heart disease, cognitive decline and even mortality,” says Dr Ahmad. “In contrast, chronic loneliness has been shown to carry risks comparable to smoking.

“The test itself is simple. Reflect on the past week and ask yourself how many meaningful conversations you have had – not just transactional chats, but interactions where you felt genuinely engaged, heard or connected.

“In midlife, you would ideally aim for at least a few meaningful interactions per week. In older adults, maintaining regular contact, even if smaller in number, becomes even more important.
“If the answer is ‘very few’ or ‘none’, it is worth paying attention. Social withdrawal can happen gradually, often due to busy lifestyles, stress or life changes, but it has real physiological effects over time.”

How to improve it: “Enhancing your social health does not necessarily mean having a huge network,” says Dr Ahmad. “It is about quality over quantity. Prioritise regular check-ins with close friends or family. Join something structured if needed, whether that is a class, walking group or community event. Combining social time with movement can have a dual benefit.”

Office worker squeezing stress ball, managing workplace pressure and anxiety during workday
Test your grip (Photo: Vukasin Ljustina/Getty/iStockphoto)

The grip strength test

“Grip strength can be considered a marker of healthy ageing because it provides a simple, reliable, and valid measure of overall musculoskeletal health,” says Joshua Davidson, a lecturer in clinical exercise science at the University of Derby, who is currently leading research on the topic.

“Although it is a local measure taken at the hand, it correlates strongly with whole-body strength and functional capacity, both of which are critical for maintaining independence with age. Higher grip strength, therefore, typically reflects greater musculoskeletal function, which is associated with increased mobility, improved balance, and reduced risk of frailty, sarcopenia [the age-related loss of skeletal muscle mass, strength and function], disability and falls.”

There are ways in which you can test grip strength at home. “A squeeze test, for example, would involve grasping an object that can be deformed without causing you any pain or discomfort,” says Davidson. “Suitable objects include a tennis ball or stress ball. Simply squeeze it for as long as you can before your grip fatigues. Being able to maintain a maximal squeeze on a tennis ball for 15-30 seconds would be a good standard to strive for.”

How to improve it :“We all need to engage in regular physical activity as we age, meaning strength training to maintain muscle mass and mineral density is key,” says Davidson. “You can work out at home either using specialist equipment or just things you have around the house. Two to three sets of single-arm wrist curls – aim for reps of between 10 and 20 – is a good exercise to start with.”

The mood test

“Mental well-being is one of the most powerful levers we have when it comes to ageing well, and often the most overlooked,” says Dr Ahmad. “Chronic stress, low mood and anxiety all contribute to inflammation, hormonal imbalance and even accelerated biological ageing.

“A simple way to assess this is to turn it into a short five-minute reflection. Ask yourself: how often over the past two weeks have I felt low? How often have I felt anxious or on edge? How often have I felt irritable? How often have I felt genuinely calm or content?

“You can score each from zero (not at all) to three (most days). In midlife, occasional stress is normal, but persistent low mood or anxiety most days is not something to ignore. If your scores are consistently high for low mood or anxiety, it is a signal rather than a label. Be aware that in older adults, low mood can sometimes present more subtly, such as fatigue, withdrawal or loss of interest.

“Left unaddressed, this can have an impact on sleep, appetite, energy and long-term health.”

How to improve it: “Start with the basics: prioritise sleep, regular movement and structured routine,” advises Dr Ahmad. “Limit alcohol, which often worsens mood over time. Build in moments of recovery, not just productivity. Equally important is recognising when to seek support. Talking therapies, coaching or medical input can make a significant difference.”

Mid adult redhead woman and her senior mother standing arm in arm waist-deep in lake water. The daughter splashes water with her hand while looking at the camera. The mother wears a sun hat and looks down at the water. They are enjoying a summer afternoon at a sandy beach in the Poconos, Pennsylvania. Trees line the distant shore under a clear sky.
Try and gauge your general mood (Photo: Alex Potemkin/Getty/)

The reaction time test

“Reaction time is one of those things people don’t always think about, but it is a really good reflection of how well your brain and body are working together,” says Andy Carr, trainer and head of fitness at Snap Fitness UK.

“As we age, that connection can slow – but how quickly you can respond when something unexpected happens really matters in day-to-day life, particularly when it comes to things such as fall risk.

“A simple way to check this at home is the ruler drop test. Ask someone to hold a ruler vertically, while you place your thumb and forefinger near the bottom without touching it. When they let go, catch it as quickly as you can. The shorter the distance it falls, the quicker your reaction time.

“In midlife, responses tend to be a bit sharper and more consistent, but in older adults there might be a slight delay. It is not about hitting a perfect score, more about having a rough benchmark and noticing any changes over time.”

How to improve it: “Anything that challenges co-ordination and timing works well,” suggests Carr. “That could be ball games, racquet sports or even simple hand-eye drills at home, such as tossing something from one hand to the other. Strength training and staying active also support this, and keeping your brain engaged through new or varied activities plays a part too.”

The beetroot test

Gut health plays a bigger role in healthy ageing than many people realise – and the beetroot test can give you a good insight into how well yours is doing. “Eat a portion of beetroot (fresh, cooked or as juice), then note how long it takes before you notice a reddish or pink colour in your stool,” says Rob Hobson, nutritionist and bestselling author. “It takes less than five minutes to perform the test, then you just wait for the results to become apparent.

“The test gives a rough indication of gut transit time, which is how quickly food moves through your digestive system. As a broad guide, seeing a colour change within 24-48 hours would be considered typical, while a much longer delay may suggest slower transit.

“Slower transit time can be linked to factors such as lower fibre intake, reduced gut motility and changes in the gut microbiome. Over time, these can influence areas including inflammation, metabolic health and aspects of immune function, all of which are relevant to how well we age.

“This is not a clinical test, and the colour change won’t be obvious for everyone, but it can offer a useful snapshot of how your gut is functioning.”

How to improve it: “Fibre intake is one of the key drivers of transit time and intakes in the UK are notoriously low. Increasing intake through foods like vegetables, legumes and nuts can help support a healthier gut environment,” says Hobson. “Pistachios are a great option, as they provide fibre along with plant compounds such as polyphenols, which are thought to play a role in supporting the gut microbiome.”

‘As an alcoholic you think you’re the world’s most important person’

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When comedian and podcaster John Robins looks back at 30 years of drinking, his impulse is to recall the good times. He’ll remember the lubricated dinners out with friends or the “perfect pint in the perfect pub”, he says. “I tend to forget the 99 per cent of times where it was just me, alone and hating myself.”

Robins, who has been sober since November 2022, has written a memoir documenting his life in alcohol and path to sobriety. Bracingly candid and darkly funny, Thirst is a far cry from the radio shows and podcasts in which Robins and friends used to jovially detail boozy nights out. Instead, the book goes deep into the bad times as it recalls the drinks that both shaped and nearly destroyed him and shines a light on the dangerous spell cast by booze.

Those drinks include the bottle of Jacob’s Creek wine left out by Robins’ mother on the kitchen worktop that he helped himself to aged seven, disguising it with orange juice. There’s also his recreation, while on tour in Australia, of the white Russians drunk by The Dude in The Big Lebowski using a gallon of milk, a litre of vodka and a bottle of Kahlua. As Robins spent the next day “throwing up a luminous yellow bile”, he remained in denial, attributing the vomiting not to the vodka but the milk.

Robins, 44, is talking over video call from his home in Buckinghamshire, where he has lived alone for 10 years. Behind him I can see floor-to-ceiling shelving containing books, various awards, plus music memorabilia including framed drawings and figurines of Freddie Mercury (Queen were Robins’ musical obsession as a teenager).

He is open and affable, moving between dryly funny and calmly reflective as he discusses his years under the influence. Robins is best known for his broadcasting career, which began on Radio X, where he presented the Saturday afternoon show with his friend and fellow comedian Elis James. The pair later moved to BBC Radio 5 Live, where they launched the awards-laden How Do You Cope? with Elis and John podcast, about life’s toughest moments, and where they amassed 50 million downloads. While in the throes of addiction, Robins also launched the podcast The Moon Under Water with his childhood friend Robin Allender, which was essentially one long paean to pubs.

Elis James & John Robins Image via Eliza.Elliott@carverpr.co.uk.
John Robins and Elis James’s podcast ‘How Do You Cope?’ amassed 50 million downloads (Photo: Eliza Elliott)

Robins is also a celebrated stand-up. His early comedy, much like his radio, would chronicle larky nights out, though later it took an introspective turn: he won the Edinburgh Comedy Award in 2017 for his stand-up show The Darkness of Robins, which documented his break-up with the comedian Sara Pascoe, while 2019’s sell-out Hot Shame tour delved into his dating life and struggles with anxiety. Then came 2023’s Howl, which mined his new-found sobriety for laughs.

Thirst may have taken Robins to some difficult places, but he doesn’t hold with the notion of writing as catharsis. Instead, he says, the process allowed him to find out how he feels about alcohol, to see patterns of behaviour, and track the progress of his recovery. “I started writing it about a year sober when I was still exploring what an alcoholic was and what was necessary to live any kind of fulfilling life without alcohol,” he says. “Later, when coming back to those chapters when I was three years sober, I was like, ‘God, this guy thinks his life is over because he can’t drink any more.’ This was useful for me because I was re-reading stuff I’d written when I was quite angsty and discontented and [realising]: ‘Oh, that’s the trick alcohol has played on you’.”

There was no single rock-bottom moment that led to Robins quitting. It was more a case of feeling exhausted with having to arrange his life around drinking, and longing for relief. One day he confessed to his friend, the comic Lou Sanders: “I want to die. I want alcohol to be the thing that kills me. I’m going to drink myself to death.” She cried and told him he was an alcoholic and that he needed help. A few weeks later, he woke up in the night and put on a podcast called Sober Speak, in which two men were talking about sobriety. It was then that he decided to stop.

Robins joined a 12-step programme, which he describes now as a “very gentle, kind and supportive but quite challenging sort of ego death”. Prior to that, he had suffered from acute anxiety and was given to catastrophising. “Everything was about the self. As an alcoholic, you’ve spent your life thinking you’re the most important person in the world, but then you are given 12 steps, each of which is essentially saying you’re not the most important person in the world. When I came out of that process, I felt so empowered by my own insignificance.”

John robins Thirst Book Cover Supplied by Dermody, Laura
Robins describes the 12-step programme to sobriety as ‘very gentle, kind and supportive but quite challenging sort of ego death’ (Photo: Viking)

Another great revelation in his early recovery “was realising that alcohol was the problem, and then after that realising that alcohol was not the problem. Alcohol was what I used to treat the problem. So I had to start from scratch. Like, how do you build a person who doesn’t drink every day? And that involved lots of different things like therapy, exercise and meditation. I’ve found Buddhism very helpful. I’ve had to understand how I interact with my own thoughts.”

It’s with a combination of wryness and stoicism that Robins describes the way he feels now as “like having five or six rooms in my head where I can go. When I was drinking, I was permanently in the head office where everything was shit and I couldn’t cope. Now, if I get agitated or angry with myself, I can be, like, ‘Oh, we’ve stepped into the resentment room. We’re doing that today, are we? How about we pop back into the other room where it’s more chilled?’”

Asked if he thinks he was born an alcoholic or became one, Robins pauses. “I think that’s a bit like wondering, ‘Was I born with a peanut allergy or did I develop one?’” he replies. “Either way, it doesn’t really change my approach to peanuts. But I do think there’s something in my physiology that means I process alcohol differently to a lot of people.” Even as a child, he never saw alcohol as something to be consumed socially. In the book, he recalls going to scout camp at 13 and being given a bottle of beer by one of the leaders. Rather than drinking it in front of his peers, he “went full Gollum”, hiking to a nearby hill to drink it by himself.

Growing up in Thornbury near Bristol, the son of a counsellor mother and an aeronautic engineer father, Robins drank his way through secondary school yet still managed to be a good student, going on to study English at Oxford. At 23, he decided to try his luck as a stand-up and, after testing material at open-mic nights, began booking tours.

John Robins Taskmaster: Champion of Champions 2025 TV still Channel 4
Appearing with Alex Horne on ‘Taskmaster: Champion of Champions’ last year (Photo: Andy Devonshire/Channel 4)

Early on in his career, he would become anxious comparing himself with other acts and wondering why he wasn’t getting the same TV opportunities. Later, he decided he would focus on what he could control, “which was writing, performing, making sure the radio show was good enough that we kept it. Over the years, the audience grew and I began to perform to rooms that were sold out with people who were excited to see me. Not only that, they’d heard me for hours on the radio, so they knew a lot about me.”

Television didn’t completely overlook Robins; he has been on shows including Mock The Week, Taskmaster (which he won), and has a YouTube channel with Alex Horne called Bad Golf. Yet he lost count of the meetings with TV commissioners for shows “that never happened because they would move to a different job, or there was no money, or whatever”. The rise of video podcasting has allowed him to do television on his own terms: “Me and Elis just launched a Patreon, and we’re putting out a 40-minute video a month, which our fans love, and it’s essentially what we always wanted to do on telly. So all those barriers that TV used to put in the way of comedians have gone. We can just make it ourselves now.”

For Robins, the process of writing a book has been both torturous – he says he read it 30 times in the editing process – and fascinating. “One thing that’s quite attractive about writing a book is you get to perfectly record how you feel and what you think, in theory anyway. With stand-up, no night is perfect, but with a book you can keep on honing it until you’re satisfied.”

Is he nervous about how it will be received? He shakes his head. “I find that if I’m happy with what I’ve created, it’s not for me to worry about whether people like it. How it goes down is really none of my business.”

‘Thirst‘, by John Robins, is published by Viking at £20

Bury St Edmunds, the modern market town with medieval ruins and a striking Spoons

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To wander the fine streets of Bury St Edmunds is to stroll back 1,000 years in time. The Suffolk town’s medieval grid has changed little since pilgrims began flocking to the shrine of St Edmund, England’s first patron saint, who was buried in Bury’s enormous abbey. Although the abbey now lies in ruins, it remains the town’s focal point, with its great gate, glorious gardens – planted with 20,000 spring bulbs – and St Edmundsbury Cathedral, created from the old abbey church.

Bury is a flourishing modern market town, too, with huge civic pride and strong foodie scene that includes lovely cafés (such as No 5 Angel Hill); the county’s only Michelin-starred restaurant; and arguably Britain’s most striking Wetherspoons, in the Grade I listed old Corn Exchange.

Combine gems such as St Mary’s Church and the 13th-century Guildhall (also home to the only surviving Royal Observer Corps’ Second World War operations room) with enjoyable wanders and you will doubtless concur with Charles Dickens, who declared Bury a “thriving” and “handsome” little town.

A view of the beautiful flowers in Abbey Gardens and the historic St. Edmundsbury Cathedral in Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk.
Flowers in Abbey Gardens (Photo: chrisdorney/Getty)

Quick guide

  • Nearest station: Greater Anglia trains run from London Liverpool Street to Bury via Ipswich and Cambridge; the total journey takes around two hours.
  • Transport: The town is walkable, and the award-winning Bury St Edmunds Tour Guides team lead themed strolls, including a daily tour from April to October (£10pp). EcoCarriers offers pedicab tours (£10pp), which are great for those with limited mobility.
  • Stay: Try Dickens’ favourite The Angel, which has 77 bedrooms an abbey views.
  • Eat: No 5 Angel Hill, Pea Porridge, Maison Bleue
  • Drink: Corn Exchange, Midgar, The Wine Cellar, The Nutshell, Greene King’s Westgate Brewery
  • Shop: Buttermarket, Makers Market, Farmers’ Market, Smoking Monkey Antiques, Edis of Ely, Pocket Watch & Petticoats, Fullers Mill Garden
  • Visit: Bury St Edmunds Abbey, St Edmundsbury Cathedral, St Mary’s Church, Bury St Edmunds Guildhalll, Lavenham Guildhall, Little Hall Museum, Kentwell Hall, Long Melford, Holy Trinity Church, Nowton Park, Theatre Royal 
  • More: visit-burystedmunds.co.uk
Suffolk, UK - September 6th 2024: View from the Abbey Gatehouse in the historic town of Bury St. Edmunds in Suffolk, UK.
The Abbey Gatehouse in the historic town centre (Photo: chrisdorney/Getty)

Drop your bags

The town’s best address – and Dickens’s favourite – is The Angel, which used to have a tunnel running between the abbey opposite and the hotel’s 13th-century vaults (now an atmospheric underground bar), where monks traded with townsfolk.

Dating to the 18th century, the current building looks superb in spring, when the Virginia creeper clambering across its facade bursts into life. Low lighting, fun décor and excellent food make the bar and restaurant appealing hangouts, while the 77 bedrooms – across three floors and a courtyard – are spacious, warm and modern. Signature rooms have free-standing baths, and some have abbey views. Some courtyard rooms are fully accessible and there are dog-friendly rooms, too. Doubles from £178 B&B.

Browse the shops

Bury has hosted a market since 1202 – one of the oldest in the country. You can visit the Buttermarket twice a week (Weds and Sat) for fruit, flowers, clothes and street food. There is also a crafty Makers Market on the first Sunday of the month and a Suffolk-focused Farmers’ Market on the second.
St John’s Street is the main hub of indies, including Smoking Monkey Antiques, Edis of Ely butchers (known for its outstanding Scotch eggs) and the joyful Pocket Watch & Petticoats, purveyors of 50s-inspired dresses. Pop into Midgar for great coffee.

Suffolk, UK - September 6th 2024: The Beer Cafe at the historic Greene King Brewery in the town of Bury St. Edmunds in Suffolk, UK.
The Beer Cafe at the historic Greene King Brewery (Photo: chrisdorney/Getty)

Spring days out

Thanks to the wool trade, Lavenham (35 minutes away by bus) was one of the wealthiest spots in Tudor England. It is now one of the prettiest, with a perfectly preserved core of colourful, half-timbered, half-crooked old buildings. Visit the 15th-century Guildhall and the Little Hall Museum, which has delightful walled and knot gardens. You could add on the easy 4.5-mile walk, via a disused railway and moated Kentwell Hall, to lovely Long Melford; browse its shops, tearooms and Holy Trinity Church’s unique medieval stained glass before catching the bus back to Bury.

Evening drinks

The Wine Cellar offers more than 80 wines by the glass, plus small plates. Beer drinkers may prefer The Nutshell; with a bar that measures 15ft by 7ft, it is Britain’s smallest pub – though the record number of people squeezed inside is 102, plus a dog.

Suffolk’s only Michelin star restaurant Pea Porridge (Photo: Emily Fae)

Dinner reservation

Hidden down a quiet street, Pea Porridge looks unassuming, but holds Suffolk’s only Michelin star for its produce-led, charcoal-cooked, North African-Levantine-inspired menu. Inventive, flavour-packed dishes include muntjac kofte (£17), wild boar tagine (£36) and purebred Suffolk wagyu (£29). The fixed four-course lunch (£55pp) is a steal.

Or try Maison Bleue, where Pascal and Karine Canevet have been serving fine French cuisine for almost 30 years (set menu from £56.60pp). The perfect-glazed apple mousse and heaving cheeseboard are things of beauty.

Wetherspoons pub in former Corn Exchange building, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk, England. (Photo by: Universal Images Group via Getty Images)
The Wetherspoons pub in the former Corn Exchange (Photo: Universal Images Group/Getty)

Spring walks

Head to Nowton Park, on Bury’s southern outskirts. Trails loop via its arboretum, woods, wildflower meadows, maze (May-October) and lime avenue, lined with 100,000 daffodils.

Alternatively, head north on the 13-mile Lark Valley Path, which follows the river to Mildenhall. Stop en route for eye-opening archaeology at the Anglo Saxon Village at West Stow and the bursting flowerbeds at Fullers Mill Garden (April-October).

Three things you might not know about Bury St edmunds…

1) On 27 August 1645, 18 people were executed for witchcraft in the town, one of England’s biggest witch trials. 

2) The beautiful, bijou Theatre Royal is Britain’s only surviving Regency playhouse.   

3) Bury-based Greene King, the country’s largest independent brewer, makes up to five million pints a week.